Life sucks. I am trying to not cut right now. I've been trying for a few weeks now and doing an okay job but the weight just keeps piling on.
I hate everything about my body and want it to just go away. I'm not sure yet but I feel the suicidal thoughts coming back. I feel stuck like I will never amount to anything.
Doing pretty alright lately. Started my April rules and I've gone over a few times but only by a bit. I've never made an actual list of rules for myself and so far Im doing about how I expected to be honest.
April Rules
Food/eating rules
*no eating out
*no eating in the kitchen. That's where I binge
*alternate 600 and 800 calories everyday with one 1000 calorie day during the weekend. Any lower than this leads to binging
*if I'm not actually hungery I will not eat. If I'm about to eat I will drink a glass of water first
Work out Rules
*be fit 21 everyday
*pilates 5 day a week
*yoga 6 days a week
I've been lacking on the exercise today and yesterday but I've been drinking a lot lately. Everyone thinks I'm and alcoholic, I've had 6 people have "the talk" with me. I've been pretty depressed lately and it doesn't help that I found a razor the other day. I, I guess "tested" it out on my leg so that's whatever.
Overall food wise it's been a good week but mentally it's been hell lol
Be safe beautiful
