Life sucks. I am trying to not cut right now. I've been trying for a few weeks now and doing an okay job but the weight just keeps piling on.
I hate everything about my body and want it to just go away. I'm not sure yet but I feel the suicidal thoughts coming back. I feel stuck like I will never amount to anything.
Doing pretty alright lately. Started my April rules and I've gone over a few times but only by a bit. I've never made an actual list of rules for myself and so far Im doing about how I expected to be honest.
April Rules
Food/eating rules
*no eating out
*no eating in the kitchen. That's where I binge
*alternate 600 and 800 calories everyday with one 1000 calorie day during the weekend. Any lower than this leads to binging
*if I'm not actually hungery I will not eat. If I'm about to eat I will drink a glass of water first
Work out Rules
*be fit 21 everyday
*pilates 5 day a week
*yoga 6 days a week
I've been lacking on the exercise today and yesterday but I've been drinking a lot lately. Everyone thinks I'm and alcoholic, I've had 6 people have "the talk" with me. I've been pretty depressed lately and it doesn't help that I found a razor the other day. I, I guess "tested" it out on my leg so that's whatever.
Overall food wise it's been a good week but mentally it's been hell lol
Be safe beautiful
I'm back! I've been really bad lately. I started doing good after I stopped chilling with friends. I tend to eat a lot around them because it's such a social thing I guess. But I'm starting to be better about it. The last two or three days have been alright though. I've been around 600 cals but today I'm happy to say it's been about 300.
Im turning this around I will lose weight if it kills me.
Stay safe beautiful
I started out with 300 calories with a croissant samwhich. I had to eat the whole thing to make my little girl (the girl I babysit, we go way back) eat her food.
Then I didn't eat until after my counseling appointment and I went and spent a few hours at my friend's house. Before I left I had eaten ice cream and tater tots. I try to appear normal so I have to eat what he does.
It's so hard hiding an Ed and having somewhat of a life. I want to withdraw and just stay home and work out. But I know that's not good for me at all on top of what I'm already doing to myself.
Stay safe beautiful
My day was alright but I ate so many fucking calories. It's all hitting me now.
I'm babysitting this beautiful little girl who I love. I see her every school day and she's honestly the best. Plus my friend was with me who makes me eat. So I had a croissant samwhich, a salad and some hot cocoa with her. That was gonna be it for the day.
Well.. My dad made manwhich for dinner when usually he wouldn't have made anything tonight. So I had to eat atleast one.
Then on top of that my friend made me go out for fast food with her but I purged it.
Stay safe beautiful
Hello! I'm here to talk about my life and how I deal with the bullshit that is life. A little about me.. I'm turning 21 soon and I'm a girl lol I have a colorful past full of abuse, drugs and alcohol.
This blog is mostly going to be about my Ed and self harm. I never want anyone to mimic my actions and to steer clear of my blog if you are easily triggered please.
I want a safe place for me and anyone who may read my blog. I made this to vent and get out all of my frustration in a non harming way.
Stay safe beautiful
